Witness to a cat's traumatic experience

Looking at my watch, I knew I had to go so as to get home on time for The Phantom of the Opera on TV. I was reading a book then at a park last evening, smiling occasionally at kids who were jogging with their parents when something caught my attention.

An Indian man wearing a torn t-shirt and a sarong, who looked like he'd not taken a bath for quite some days and looked somewhat drunk or deranged, had stopped walking just about a car's length from me. It was not him but the cat that was leashed by him in a raffia string that told me something was wrong.

The cat was just a little bigger than a kitten. It looked so frightened and gave a meow that I still vividly remembers. It sounded like the one and only attempt it could give to call for help. It sounded so desperate and yet so weak and helpless. It shrivelled and refused to move even though the man was tugging the string.

Meanwhile the people in the park continued to jog by. Only two boys stopped for a moment. They too knew that something was wrong. But not knowing what to do, they went on jogging after a while. I was tempted to "get on with my life" too. After all, I've got a great tv program to catch.

I started rationalizing to "I", "Maybe this man lives nearby. Even if this man is homeless, he may just want to keep a cat for companionship. C'mon, just move on, get along. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. It's just a cat. Give this man benefit of doubt. Maybe he just don't have money to buy a proper leash and don't know enough to do it right."

But I have begun to trust my heart since some years back. I have begun to work on guarding my heart above all else, to protect it from being hardened. And I know that every decision I make makes a difference to the condition of my heart and my becoming.

Looking embarrassed, the man quickly scooped up the cat with one hand and walked on. The cat looked overcome. I felt sad. But somehow he was uncomfortable holding the cat, so he let it down and started to tug at the cat again. I told myself, "I must do something about it. I can't walk away from this, bluffing myself that nothing's happening. A life is involved." But I didn't know what to do. I was afraid too.

I deliberated, "If I call the police, he'd be gone before they arrive. It's Sunday, what animal welfare society can I call for help? If I confront him, he'd just say some lies and try to get away with it. If I become more assertive, he may get aggressive with me. He doesn't look stable and I'm worried for my own safety." Meanwhile people continued to stroll and jog by. No one had even slowed down to take notice.

I called my friend for help. Her family keeps lots of animals. They'd know. She told that no one should leash a cat with a string and I just had to confront the man even should it get ugly. Just then I saw a man walking, with his two dogs, toward me. I quickly hang up the phone and asked him for help, thinking, "He's an animal-lover. He'll have a heart for the cat. He'll help." But I was wrong.

Trying to walk off, he gave me a lame excuse that he couldn't speak Malay. What Malay! He's an Indian, you chicken! I insisted and so he lamely spoke a one-liner to the Indian man in half English and half Malay, in which I couldn't understand, to which the Indian man said in English, "You dog-lover. I cat-lover." The man smiled and walked off with his dogs! Did they know what they were saying to each other?! I believed they were both glad that they "let each other off."

Anyway I went on to tell the Indian man, "You can't tie the cat with a string. It's painful for the cat. It's wrong. You can't do that." So he replied me, "Ok. No tie. I carry." And he once again scooped up the cat with his hand and walked off quickly, still holding the raffia string that's leashed to the cat's neck. I felt like I was watching a criminal running away. "O God, help! What am I to do?"

He definitely had a problem holding the cat, for he let it down soon after and started to tug at the cat again. So I ran up to him, still not knowing what next to do when a woman, about 50 years old, showed up out of the blue. She authoritatively shouted at him, "Hey, you stop! Cannot! No! You cannot tie the cat like that!"

Just then another man, with his family, walked by and shouted, "Ya, cannot, you will kill the cat!" And they walked off! Oh... sometimes when you need a man's help... sigh... I remember once sharing with friends, "There's a book for men entitled Tender Warrior: God's intention for a man. Sometimes I find that men are neither tender nor warriors. Sigh. When are they going to rise up as tender warriors?"

Anyway, with this woman showing up, suddenly the cat gained strength from hope and started to struggle with the man in trying to get out of the string-leash, hence causing more pain to itself. The woman quickly carried the cat into her embrace and removed the string from around its neck as she said to the Indian man, "You cannot do that. The cat will die! The police will catch you!" I started thanking her for coming to the rescue.

The man tried to intimidate her by bringing his face really near to hers and said, "I live nearby here." Then he started to untie his sarong, as she replied confidently, "If you want to keep the cat, you bring a box to carry the cat the next time. Not a string." He tied back his sarong and walked off in opposite direction as she walked away with the cat. Soon both of them were out of my sight.

I was 30 minutes late for my tv program but I was so glad with my decision. I have learnt much through this episode from each character in the story. But more than that, I saw a glimpse of the horror of abuse, intimidation and fear; the need to protect my heart, to surrender and to fight; the value of life and freedom; and the power of hope and love. Makes me think of the 3 shows that I just watched: The Shawshank Redemption, What a Girl Wants, and Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas.
Read on...

My times are in His hands (Newsletter Aug06)

Read on...

What do flowers, dogs & babies have in common?

Beautiful! They are so beautiful. Beauty in purity and simplicity. Not just dogs, but many other pets as well. (I like to watch dolphins, horses, and bears too.) Not just flowers, but also the mountains, the waters, the meadows, the trees, the rocks, the skies, etc. I enjoy looking at them (for babies - especially when they're asleep). I have so much pleasure just gazing at them.

They tell me that beauty is meant to be a pure gift of life. Just looking at them makes me smile, makes me relax and feel calm. They remind me of the simple joy of life. They tell me that there is yet hope, and that there are still some good worth living and fighting for. They testify that brokenness and pain is not all there is to life. Their beauty typifies vulnerability and tenderness. They bring healing to my heart. I'll always remember the magical moments I had in gazing on the face of my 3-month old niece while she was sleeping, when I first returned from India. Such pure gift from Heaven. Read on...

Jealous of her?

It's easy to be jealous of her. She seems to have everything going for her. She's intelligent, pretty, petite, rich, and has a personality that's so likable. But much more than that, she's sooooo well-loved by all of us, especially her parents. She's my niece.

As I had lived with my brother's family for about 2 years since my return from India, I had the privilege of watching her grow from a 2-month old baby. The photo was taken when she was about 2½ years old. I enjoyed spending time with her, be it singing, dancing, running, playing, watching Barney/ Hi-5/ Nickelodeon together, or reading storybooks/ rhymes to her, or taking her for walks and having fun teaching her to observe the flowers and plants along the way. Oh how I miss all that!

But watching the way my brother loves her has been something else altogether to me. Suddenly, she looks like a princess. She'd be making lots of small requests from him, eg. "Papa, can I have Coke?" "Papa, carry me like I'm an aeroplane." At times when she runs out of things to ask, she would start to rattle "Papa this" and "Papa that." To her, he's like the king and that makes her the princess – that she's well-aware of. It's endearing to watch how she relishes in his love. And no matter how tired he is, she always melts his heart so easily. He simply adores her.

It's in such moments that I would begin to be deeply jealous of her. How good to be loved this way! I want to be loved so unconditionally too! Hence, slowly, watching him loving her began to be a bitter sweet thing. I started telling God this struggle that I have and the emotions that came along with it. About a month ago, when I was telling God again how I envy her, then suddenly, almost like an audible voice, I heard God tell me, "This is how I love you." I was stunned for a moment before tears started rolling down from my eyes.

Thank You, Father, for this beautiful picture of You loving me. Thank You... Read on...

Friends of the Night

The following are some words that have anchored my heart in hope when I was overwhelmed in darkness. They have become my friends of the night.

The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do. ~ John Holt

We are prisoners of hope. ~ George MacDonald.

Live one day at a time. ~ not sure of the source.

It is not the cares of today, but the cares of tomorrow, that weigh a man down. ~ George MacDonald.

Never doubt in the darkness what God has shown you in the light. ~ Dr V Raymond Edman

Even should you be suffering for the rest of your life, it's not forever. Heaven is forever. ~ Jessie Suciati - my friend.

"But you, Israel [the new identity], My servant,
Jacob [the old identity] whom I have chosen,
Descendant of Abraham My friend,
You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth,
And called from its remotest parts
And said to you, 'You are My servant,
I have chosen you and not rejected you.
'Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'" ~ Isaiah 41:8-10

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures [rest],
He leads me beside quiet waters [peace], He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow [pursue] me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. ~ Psalms 23
[Somehow in walking through the valley of the shadow of death,
the psalmist has started referring to God as "You" and not "He."]
Read on...

Shortest route: Not always the Best route

"The people of Israel was accomplished at the exodus. Their identity was defined at Mount Sinai. Their preservation was guaranteed through the 40 years of wandering in the wilderness. They were a redeemed people (through the exodus), a commanded people (at Mt. Sinai), a blessed people (through the 40 years)." Ravi Zechariah quoted Eugene Peterson. I heard this during the early days of my depression a few years ago. How thankful I am to have heard this strangely good news.


Ravi said that the 40 years' journey was about 150 miles which by right would take them 2 months maximum. The longer route was meant to humble them and teach them that "man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord."

I confess I used to totally believe in going by the shortest route in the shortest time possible, though intellectually I would agree it is not always true. The obvious reason being that there's a lack of resources. A value that had been ingrained within me. How can one who does not know or forgets easily that there's a sovereign, all-powerful, all-loving God, live any differently from that value? The natural instinct in facing a lack is to fear and hence strive for self-preservation.

I have repented... somewhat but still have a long way to go. I still panic sometimes, fearing of being left behind, as the world continues to scare me with lies, "No time! Hurry up! Don't stop! Quick! Go for the next thing! It's all about productivity and efficiency! Time waits for no man! Else you'd be replaced! Else there'll be no future for you!" Read more!

O how I need to be reminded more: The shortest route is not always the best route.

I've begun to know this truth personally through my wilderness journey in and out of depression. But it's still challenging. In preparing to go on a Israel tour, I borrowed books from a friend. I'm amazed to find in Facts about Israel, "They wandered for 40 years in the Sinai desert, where they were forged into a nation... The exodus... left an indelible imprint on the national memory of the Jewish people and became a universal symbol of liberty and freedom." Wow just like Ravi's quote from Eugene Peterson. Last picture: an oasis in Sinai desert.

My fleshly instinct says, "Give me a light that I may walk safely into the unknown."
But Truth says, "Put your hand in the hand of God and it shall be to you better than the light and safer than the known." May my heart find rest in this. Read on...