This has to stop.

Have you experienced being hurt and hurting back the ones you only want to love? It happened to me... again. sigh...

I wonder how Jesus responded when being hurt by people He loves? I'm sure He was no doormat nor pushover.

I know... I believe it's because He was so in tune with His heart in His Father's love that He was so in love, having such a great sense of acceptance, significance, and security that when being hurt, He remained in His Father's love. Hence, He was graced with the strength from within not to hurt back. He was graced with the strength from within to acknowledge the hurt and to forgive right away. He was graced with the strength from within to lovingly speak the truth and dealt with the real issue at hand — gently but firmly. Such strength in humility.

sigh... I forget my Father's love for me so easily. Thus I react verbally too quickly... foolishly... thus.... harshly/cruelly. what a wretched person I am. I'm sorry to have hurt you... again.

Jesus, I'm so tired of all this. This has to stop.

I don't want to verbally assault those who verbally assault me. It can all be happening so subtly. And so it may be easy for people to deny. I see so many angry people being unaware of their own anger... And not being empowered to validate/face some of those deep-seated, hidden anger and to let it out in a healthy way. I have so much to learn in releasing my anger healthily too.

Jesus, I'm sorry. Help me. Save me. I want my heart to be more like Yours. I want to learn from You — You who are gentle and humble at heart, and I will find rest for my soul. Thank You. Read on...

Cries of my heart 2 (from my journal '03)

Can I be wrong? Can I be wronged?
Can I have done wrong?
Can wrong be done to me?
It's all wrong...haven't I heard myself said this?
There's too much wrong.
Too much have gone wrong.
Too much pain, brokenness, suffering, sin, pride, fight, complication, weakness, ignorance, naiveness, denial...
Too much "should not be," "ought not to be"
and the most of all--Jesus dying for men, for you and me
On our behalf...crucified in shame, accused, mocked, condemned, judged.
God died for me, on behalf of me, for the penalty of my sins.
God was wronged. Wrong was done to God.
Sin hurt God. Sin cost God--His name, His life, His all.
Man's sin and God's love killed God.
Love resurrected God.
God is bearing with it. God allows it.
God is working hard against it. God is fighting hard.
God's love...gentle and strong, tender and fierce, patient and persistent
God is in control. God reigns. Read on...

Cries of my heart 1(from my journal '03)

What happens when words don't count anymore!
When everything seems right
When everything seems to be in place
When it's all about business presentation
"Did i make it?" "Do i look good?"
"I wish you/i think I'm fine...that I'm ok
for that makes me feel good, accepted, and respected."

But I can't tell you/i the truth
for it will make you/i feel uneasy...nervous
You/i won't accept it
I didn't tell you/i the truth 'cos you/i didn't want it.
I think you/i can't live with it.
Your/my world holds together only when all is well...
or so you/i would like to think...
It seems unthinkable to people/i to acknowledge
that so much has gone wrong around us...within us...among us

But where does hope come from?
Is it based on the well-being of the people or circumstances?
I/i have been taught that hope is in Christ, from Christ, and through Christ.
I believe. For He is my hope of glory. For He is the Hope of Glory.

But what happens when words don't count anymore?
That it's all in the "art" of communication
We play the game...we learn it...we practice it...
We teach it and we model it...
Who will be the next to join the game?
Who will be the next to quit the game?

What happens...what happens when words don't count anymore?
When what may seem right but what may be wrong
is blurred and it didn't seem to matter!
We think we are right and they are wrong and so we go on.
We go round and round like the boomerang
We go through the motion day by day

Can someone shout out loud...STOP!
May be many are waiting for someone else to do it.
Do I want to join the many
Do I dare to choose otherwise--to be one of that someone--
and be kicked by the many/i for the very thing that they/I truly want...
if only they/I know what they/I truly want...

Truth...Truth...where are You?
Can You be found anymore?
I want to see You...know You.
I know I can--for You live in me.
You are with me--my King, my God, my Master, my Guide, and my Salvation.
My Father and my Jesus and my Counselor.

The world is far bigger than I/i.
And You are far far far greater than all.
You are in-control. You are all-powerful. And You are Love.
So I can face the turmoil, the unrest, the chaos
'cos You are with me...You live within me...
I'm safe...I'm secure...Just being in You...near You...with You.
I can face this day and each day...
being in You, near You, with You--
Yes You--my Hope of Glory. It's all about You. Read on...